Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
