I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
