i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this just has baby written all over it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
