You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
