You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
