Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
