i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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