am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
