Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
