Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
