Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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