My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
