Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
