whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
