SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
