is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
