I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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