hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
