Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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