i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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