I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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