Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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