It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
do nipples grow back?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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