bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
