So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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