walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
