I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
