I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
