Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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