His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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