I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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