Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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