he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
