Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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