I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
