I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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