I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
