Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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