Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no, he came in my armpit
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
