do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
