wanna go halves on a baby?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
