Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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