New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
