HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
