im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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