When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
