You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
