so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
