Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
