Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no, he came in my armpit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
